


Chika Takami featuring Aqours: Globs of Doom

by RukiaUniverse



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project, Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: Crack, Humor, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:33:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23866063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RukiaUniverse/pseuds/RukiaUniverse
Summary: Orange asteroid-like objects tore through, heading straight towards Earth. It seems like a threat was soon upon them.Maybe our hero could handle it?
Kudos: 3





	1. Danger in Numazu

_ In the deepest reaches of space… _

  
  


Orange asteroid-like objects tore through, heading straight towards Earth. It seems like a threat was soon upon them.

Maybe our hero could handle it?

  
  


_ In the city of Numazu…  _

  
  


Chika and You were going shopping in a mall. They were waiting for the results of the Regional Preliminaries. They took the song Mirai Ticket, which was basically the fruits of their labor. Aqours had done a hundred percent at that performance, so maybe this time it wouldn’t be a zero.

Getting together a group inspired by the legendary nine was tough. Heck, you could say that if it wasn’t for Riko trying to die by drowning in the ocean, covered up by ‘finding the sound of the ocean,’ the idol group wouldn’t exist. When they had six, they got invited to some event in Tokyo. 

They blew it.

Funnily enough, the original Aqours also bombed an event in Tokyo. Not  _ actually _ bombing it. Though, Mari might’ve considered that…

Either way, Chika, with the power of the protagonist, helped reconnect the bonds of the third years. And so, that’s what led to where we are now.

“...Chika, why did you buy a lighter?” The sailor asked the leader, currently questioning her sanity. 

“You never know, You! Maybe some weirdos’ll attack us, so we gotta be prepared for the worst!” She put the small object in her pocket. 

“That is the one thing that will  _ not _ happen.” 

“I bet when we go outside, it’ll be raining weird stuff from the sky.”

“Look, I know you finished Persona 5 the other day. Even so, this is Numazu, not Shibuya. It’s not even Christmas Eve, it’s the middle of the summer!” They stepped out of the mechanical doors.

“Come on, we need some dramatic event to happen! To solidify us as heroes!”

“No we...don’t.” Chika, who may or may not have innate psychic abilities, had predicted that yes, it was raining weird stuff. The orange goo was everywhere. On buildings, on cars, in the street, on people-

Wait, were those people?  
Those ‘people’ who had been hit by the raining goo were now goo monsters. The somewhat cloudy sky had an orange tint to it.

“See! I told you!” Chika proudly stated. You looked down at her shoes, and noticed that the white air forces Mari had stolen from Footlocker was covered in goo.

Yoshiko, despite Riko’s adamant disapproval, convinced the chairwoman to steal a large number of shoes from a bunch of shoe stores for ‘the gram.’ It was some sort of inside joke that started the friendship between the fallen angel and Mari. It involved some video that referenced doing something for a thousand dollars. Whatever that was…

“Ugh, this is weird. So, what’re you going to use the lighter for? We obviously can’t fight those,” She tried lifting her right foot, which was a little bit stuck. You noted that it might be a little hard to move in later. “Things.” The orange haired girl took out her lighter and ran off in a different direction.

“I’ll show you!”

  
  


_ The State of Affairs near the Kurosawa Sisters Family Home… _

  
  


“Pigiii!” Ruby shouted, jumping out of the way of a big heap of goo that came from the sky. Because of her scream, a bit of it disappeared.

“This must be that dimension hopper’s doing. She definitely caused a rift somewhere!” Dia complained, thinking about who might have caused this attack. She looked down to her little sister. “Ruby, can you find the teleporter?”

  
  


_ Then there was the diver… _

  
  


The entire ocean was now goo. Kanan had barely made it out in time, but she did.

“This is probably  _ her _ doing. That idiot.” She sighed. A portal appeared, unbeknownst to her.

“Hello, Kanan.”

  
  


_ With the piano player… _

  
  


“Yes, just a steam gift card. Huh, you look kind of familiar…” Riko stated. She had gone to Target so she could invest in steam so she could buy some more visual novels. She was waiting on Chika and You to meet her there, but they were taking a bit too long.

“Wait, you’re Riko, zura!” Hanamaru exclaimed.

“Y-Yes, I am. What brings you here?” 

“Yoshiko told me to make sure you weren’t using her credit card to buy steam gift cards, zura.”

“I’m actually using Mari’s…”

_ When it came to the streamer… _

  
  


Yohane had ended the stream because of a large number of her viewers suddenly dropping, and then she noticed that there was weird orange stuff coming down from the sky. She was still dressed in her fallen angel garb.

“Which music video is this copying? Wait a minute…” She squinted, noticing a flame coming from far off in the distance. “The fuck?”

_ In front of the mall… _

  
  


Looking from down the street, Chika and You watched as the entire shopping center was on fire. You shook her head.

“Just because there is an apocalypse going on doesn’t mean you can commit arson! Are you crazy?!”

“You’re the crazy one! You drank battery acid just an hour ago!”

“That isn’t relevant right now, we need to run!” Out of a portal behind them, a hand grabbed Chika’s shoulder.

“Come in bella, we have much to discuss!” The voice said, freaking the two out. They turned around as fast as they could.

“Mari Ohara?!” The chairwoman herself was peeking out from the spiraling blue rift with just her head. She flashed her trademark grin.

“Yes, that’s me! We need to go into the headquarters in Volcano Island!” Chika blinked.

“Volcano Island…?”

“Unless you want to get taken over, you need to jump in  _ now!  _ The  _ details _ will come _ later!”  _ They could either potentially get killed or listen to Mari’s lack of explanation. Either way, You is probably going to die of some sort of poisoning. 

“Alright, let’s go!” They followed Mari into the portal, which closed right after.

  
  


_ In the Headquarters… _

  
  


When everyone had gathered together, Dia had gone into full explanation monologue mode and elaborated further on the situation they were in.

Basically, these beings called ‘Morphoids’ had been brought into the universe they were in because Mari was an idiot and forgot to close a portal from some dimension she went through. Then, she had to go even further in explanation monologue mode to explain how Mari was a dimension hopper. Dia, the unfortunate sane man of the group, had to work with the technology in the base so they could combat these ‘Morphoids.’

“Sounds like you’ve got it working!” Chika said. She was then surrounded by pink rays of energy that transformed into some object. Chika now had a thing attached to her bag, which connected to a weapon that had a fan attached to it. “A bubble blow wand!”

“It’s not just bubbles, the solution has mikan juice in it. Irradiated mikan juice. It scans you to create a custom weapon embedded with Magu Technology.” Yoshiko, expert on THQ games, was the first to speak up.

“A personality scan that gives you weapons? Light me up, pres.” Dia glared at the streamer in anger, so Mari pressed a bunch of buttons on the machine instead. 

“It’ll give you the one thing you’ve always wanted!” The rich one claimed.

“Beez in the Trap on CD?” She asked, then hit with the pink rays.

“No, to fly!” A hammer that looked like it was plastic appeared in Yoshiko’s hands. It felt perfect for her to wield.

“...Even better!” 

“Well boo hoo for the goo! Come on, let’s go save Numazu!” Chika attempted at rhyming. It was time for the first level.

After the tutorial, of course. Blasted tutorial levels, always ruining the fun. Why’d they have to learn how to pull a lever?!


	2. Shockwaves in the Sand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chika and Yoshiko go to the beach and beat up things. The usual.

Out of all people, she had to be picked to team with Yoshiko, who would smack her upside the head at just about any opportunity. Just because she had a hammer now. That is the only reason why Chika’s life may be potentially on the line. Oh, and she might be arrested once this is all over. 

Learning how to traverse around the beach near the Takami Inn was interesting. Any water that had washed up previously was now goo stuck in the middle of their path, and they were slowed down by it. Not drastically, but Yoshiko looked stupid trying to jump out of it.

They had reached a roadblock, as anyway from getting on to the main street was blocked off by a big wall of the orange stuff. No matter what they did, it wouldn’t budge at all.

“Look, goo babies!” Chika exclaimed, pointing forward. Indeed, tiny Morphoids that were about half her size were up ahead.

“They’re called morphoids.” Yoshiko reminded her, annoyed.

“Shut up Yoshiko! I won’t hesitate, bitch!” The orange haired girl tried to threaten her with her lighter.

“Foolish mortal. I, Yohane, have been to hell and back time and time again! Do not test me!” 

“Actually, I  _ will _ test you! First one to get that spawner over there to explode gets a thousand Robux!” Roblox was on the line, so that meant that Yoshiko  _ had  _ to agree. That was her most popular game to stream, after all. “Okay, go!” Without a countdown, Chika immediately charged forward. They were not taking this seriously at all.

“Hey, wait! That’s cheating!” Yoshiko followed soon after. To finally test out these weapons, they plowed through the enemies. Destroyed them. Both of them started bonking the spawner as fast as they could, and it blew up as they both hit it at the same time. The fallen angel put her hammer over her shoulder. “...Do we both get a thousand Robux?”

“...Yes.” The mikan lover said in defeat. The spawner had turned into a small platform that they could jump on to gain extra height. So, the mikan hater decided to test it out first, and she flew over the obstacle which was the barrier. 

“It’s like I’m an angel falling from heaven!” She shouted proudly, before hitting her head on the ground. Chika landed a little after, poking Yoshiko with her bubble blower.

“Oh no, she's dead!” 

…

  
  


They continued on through the street, beating up any Morphoids that got in their way. That’s when they remembered something that Mari told them, as they were surrounded. 

“If we do some specific motion at the same time, we’ll do some special technique!” Chika pointed her fist at Yoshiko. “Alright, rock paper scissors!”

“I would never participate in such trivial acti-”

“We don’t have the time!” 

“...F-Fine. Rock paper scissors…” They prepared at the same time. 

“Shoot!” Chika threw out rock, and Yoshiko threw out her weird scissors. The orange haired girl groaned in annoyance.

“Fuck, again!” Finally, after five tries, all of the walking goo enemies that were twice their size turned into rocks. Grinning, Yoshiko began smashing all of the boulders with her hammer. Chika blasted the stones with a bunch of mikan bubbles, hitting them with her blaster to shatter them.

When all of the rocks were gone, they went on. The ultimate goal here was to cleanse the street and save an ally they couldn’t get after the apocalypse, Riko. She was trapped in goo in front of the Takami Inn. Sometimes, the two questioned why Mari, the literal dimension hopper, couldn’t do it herself. Then again, they had no clue what else she had under her sleeve, so they didn’t say it out loud.

A whack and a pop later, they managed to free the doujin reader out of the goo. 

“Hi, Riko! I’m sorry we left you at Target, I got a little…” Chika trailed off, remembering she left her behind to burn down the entire shopping district. “Distracted, hehe.” Riko sighed, shaking her head.

“This is Mari’s doing, right? I’m so glad I stole her credit card.” She then realized what she just said. “I mean, why did you leave me? I could’ve gotten killed!” 

“Look, Lily, it’s okay to be a gold digger. We don’t judg-” Yoshiko got back handed into the street.

“Oooh! Burned!” Chika then took out her lighter. “Hmm, speaking of burning...maybe I should burn down someone’s house.”  
“Why would you even consider that?!” After dusting herself off, Yoshiko idly bounced the hammer on the hand that wasn’t holding onto it.

“She’s brain damaged.” She explained.

“Hey, I’m not the one who fell from a goddamn tree.”

“At least I don’t burn buildings down!” 

“Wait, what even is going on in the first place?” Riko questioned them. An explanation was in order. 

They gave a severely dumbed down explanation than Dia and Mari’s, which wasn’t surprising. Riko understood everything they said, saying it was ‘just like a visual novel I bought from Steam last year.’ A portal appeared in front of them, which meant it was time to go back to Volcano Island. Chika immediately ran into it, leaving the other two behind.

“You know what they say Lily,” Yoshiko began.  _ “You wanna see some ass, I wanna see some cash. _ That song reminds me of you a lot.” Riko took her hammer and smacked her as hard as she could, which sent the fallen angel flying into the portal without her trusted weapon.

“...Serves her right.”

…

Now they had all nine members! Or so they thought…

“So we have Chika, You, Riko, Yoshiko, Hanamaru, Kanan, Dia, and me.” Mari counted off everyone she saw. She was not the best person at math, so each person took about ten seconds in between. “That’s nine!”

“No, that’s eight! Dang it, I knew I left her behind!” Dia complained, going back to the machine and tapping at it. 

“...Who’s missing?” You asked Chika, who shook her head. She didn’t know either.

“Wow, what sub-unit members you are.” Kanan remarked. 

“But all of us in CYaRon are here!” The gears finally clicked. The R was missing!

_ After getting the teleporter ready for Dia, Ruby realized that she set it for one person to enter, and it traveled to the Headquarters without her. _

_ “...Uh oh.” _


	3. Boss Fight 1: W-Who?!

Never did Dia ever think she would be fighting a giant version of a member of  _ the  _ μ's in the goddamn Krusty Krab kitchen of all places. Wait, why was she even in Bikini Bottom…?

First of all, how did we even get here?

_ “Fine, You can come with me. Ruby got teleported to a different dimension, and when I tracked her location-” _

_ “Wait, you have a tracker on Ruby?” _

_ “...No comment. Do not get in my way, as there is a specific way to do this correctly. She’s currently in Bikini Bottom.” After using the weird mumbo jumbo thingamajig, You got a staff that could control the water. She didn’t know if it actually could, she was just guessing. Dia stated that she didn’t need to use the machinery because she had a sword Mari got her from some dimension. Something to do with pirates, she said. _

_ When they got there, the first thing that caught their eye was Honoka. Yes, Honoka Kousaka in Bikini Bottom, eating a Krabby Patty. Truly a sight for the history books. While You stayed silent (a rarity), Dia took pictures of her while outside of the building for ‘undisclosed reasons.’ That was until that blasted goo fell on the remnants of the burger, and she went to eat it without knowing… _

_ “W-Wait!” Dia exclaimed, but it was too late. The goo took control of the leader. _

_ “So much for a particular way.” You scoffed, walking alongside her to the front door of the building. _

_ “Can it, Watanabe. Your death is going to come even sooner, even before the battery acid if you don’t follow my orders.”  _

_ “I should’ve been dead yesterday!”  _

Well, the lever thing was actually useful. You’s response to broken levers was to kick them as hard as she could, which might have broken a few. Except, instead of a lever, she had to feed giant Honoka by flipping steaming hot Krabby Patties that magically appeared on the stove. Meanwhile, Dia would do the dirty work, slashing at any of the Morphoids that came anywhere near her.

Sometimes, they’d have to run to a different side of the room, because Honoka would reach her hand into the opposite side’s door and try and grab them. An extremely fruitless effort, since You could just go to the other stove…

A few burning hot food items flying through the sky later, they eventually managed to take her down.

...That led to You getting a direct hit from the goo released from Honoka.

“That’s odd, it seems you weren’t affected by the substance.” Dia was confused as to why it didn’t work, especially with how much she was hit with.

“M-Maybe it’s just because I’m super cool! Come on, let’s go find Ruby!” She cut in, wanting to leave as soon as possible. You shook off as much as she could.

“...Or maybe it’s the batte-”

“Let’s. Go!”

_ Note: Do not drink battery acid. You has plot armor power, so is not affected by the drinking of literal acid. You are not You. Do not drink it. _

Through some mysterious happen chance, Ruby was indeed in Bikini Bottom. Dia theorized that using the power of her yell, she opened up a rift and ended up somewhere else. What kind of Love Live Z shit is this?

In all of the dimensions she’s been in, 1,098 to be exact, Mari has seen a lot. Literally. There are so many possibilities with the dimension hopping. Like that one time in that one dimension where stuff was burned to the ground, and one of her numerous other selves was involved, to her knowledge. In another dimension, one of her could take out a huge ass rocket launcher out of nowhere. But she needed a device to travel, yet Ruby didn’t.

She had never seen something like that.

“Hmm, maybe a  _ thorough _ inspection is in orde-” The shoe stealer began. The third years were having a meeting.

“No. Not a chance. Never in a million years.” Dia interrupted. Mari dramatically sighed.

“I guess I’ll have to wait a million and one years.”

“Does dimension hopping provide some sort of longevity?” Kanan asked the sane one.

“It doesn’t. She’s going to be dead by then.”

“...Right. Well, let’s think about this for a second. Ruby can open up a rift in time and space to go all the way to Bikini Bottom unconsciously. That’s a hell of a lot of dormant power.” 

“If she can’t control it yet, then we might have to be  _ careful _ in preparing her to fight. Who knows, maybe she’ll be so scared of the Morphoids that she will reverse this apocalypse?” 

“That is the most sensible thing that you have ever said in your life. Who are you?” Dia questioned Mari, who started closing in on the both of them.

“If you play your cards right, your-” With a swing of a scabbard and a fist, the dimension hopper was floored.

“Hey, I was charging my phone!” Yoshiko exclaimed. The force at which Mari hit the ground was enough to unplug the cord. 

“Don’t worry Yoshiko, it was all for the vine.” Mari attempted at explaining. Everything was for the vine for her. That didn’t exclude the stealing of many shoes from stores such as Foot Locker, or the armed robbery of stores across the nation that was Twitch live stream. She was never banned however, due to the bribery of moderators. Or a sketchy system, who knows.

“The attempted assault was _ not  _ for the vine.” Kanan told her. 

“Those words mean nothing to me in court. I could just rewrite the entire timeline!”

“And then you would be taken out for tampering with such a thing like our time.” Dia scolded her. It was indeed true, tampering with the timeline would result in death. How Mari wasn’t dead was a question for another day.

“They can’t take me out if they can’t find me!” The dimension hopper teleported out of the Headquarters for dramatic effect.

**Author's Note:**

> i absolutely have no idea where this is going


End file.
